So yeah, I think I may have found my new internet name: Viveca Shaianne Zionar.

Viveca = German. It means "war".
Shaianne = Derived from the Dakota Indian shaiyena which is from shaia (to speak unintelligibly). The name is that of a tribe of Algonquian Indians, as well as a river and city name.
Zionar = a last name I created a long time ago for one of my characters.

yeah... I made a post just for that...

Title From: Silhouettes by Smile Empty Soul

I'm going to start doing lyrics for my titles for my journals... works better for me for some reason... so the 'Title From:' thing is the name of the song my title came from. Guess it's a bit of a way to show my mood and my song taste, if all else fails...

Sadly, this is one of my many theme songs (so I have five that  pretty much describes five parts of my life... I'll explain those in another journal entry after this.

So... My grandma's crazy, my mom's working herself to death and I'm trying to get into the nursing program at the community college all while avoiding my stalker dad and trying to change my internet name...

Yeah, I know, lots of excitement. Sadly, that's just this morning's load of work! ^_^; So yeah, I'll start explaining from the first one onward so people aren't like WTF?!?


First of all: Crazy Grandma... she just got out of the hospital from the flu and pneumonia, and we haven't been able to go see her because a) mom's JUST getting over the flu and she's not allowed over there because of my grandma being sick (doesn't need a relapse) and b) because I'm VERY susceptable to just about every virus and disease out there, and the ABSOLUTE VERY LAST THING I need is to be in the hospital with flu that turns into Pneumonia (which is probably like... a 90% probability with all my health problems as-is). Well now people are accusing us of not taking care of her... well on top of everything, my mom has to WORK so we can LIVE and SURVIVE and so we DON'T LOSE OUR HOUSE... well my grandma called and was bitching at my mom for somethings apparently other people have been saying, and all of them aren't true... one of those things is that it's my MOM'S fault I didn't get to go to college this semester, when it was the COLLEGE'S FAULT for not giving me the right information (something which I guess was done to MULTIPLE people). So yeah... the American Revolution II has just started in the kitchen of my little three-bedroom, two-bathroom house...

My mom is working her ass off trying to keep us afloat, but it's really just hurting her, especially with the stress of grandma and me added on. She's bitching at me to get a job, and I'm really, really trying but she doesn't understand that I DON'T HAVE FUCKING OPTIONS HERE... sad as it is to say this: I'm hoping my grandma dies soon... I get her money, I have to sell her house (the owners of the trailer park 'don't want teens' -eye roll- ) and then I get her car and I'm OUT OF HERE. I'm moving to a city, where maybe I can get a job, and a boyfriend and a fucking life away from my fucking family.

I'm working on maybe becoming a nurse, depending on really what I can do in college and what-not... I'm thinking for going LPN, but if I like it I might get the motivation to go RN. Not sure yet...

Changing my internet name because of a stalker dad issue... so after I find a good one I will no longer be 'Daleeria Mae Chaotica' anymore... I have a few things but none that are totally perfect yet... so after I find that PERFECT one... I'll be happy to get my name off the online world. soo yeah... my life in a big nutshell

OMG yes, I just watched the newest eppie of FT!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

So I heard Gray's voice and fell in love with him all over again. Already I'm used to Happy's annoyance voice and the others I really don't have an opinion yet. I can already tell I'm going to love the anime as much as I love the manga!!! 

Also, watching Bleach eppie two after this... I'm hoping to get a good four or five episodes in tonight. I have an application or two I have to go fill out tomorrow, but after that I'm free to watch Bleach, so hopefully I'll get a full day in of that. I make work on catching up with Naruto Shipuuden but I'm not really sure right now. ^_^;;;

So for four nights in a row, including the two hours that I was asleep tonight, I've had nightmares almost non-stop. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, because normally I've been watching scary movies or something equally stupid to CAUSE the weird dreams (not even classified as nightmares, half of them.) But that's the thing, I haven't watched TV period. I've watched a couple eppies of Bleach, but there's nothing in the dreams even Bleach-related lately. All I've been doing is living life the best I can and trying to job hunt. Both, currently, I'm failing at obviously...



The first night it was okay, at least. I was given the daughter of my best friend to take care of because her parents had just died. I was trying to find a job because I had just lost [another] job, and even though I couldn't support myself and the girl, they gave her too me because she had no one else and her mother didn't want her going to a foster home or anything because the foster homes in the area are truly horrible. So I was job hunting everywhere and I had to take the girl with me because I couldn't afford to get a babysitter, nor did I trust anyone else to baby sit her that was willing to do it for free. Somehow, I don't know how, I ended up working for Bruce Wayne and a bunch of weird stuff happened and I found out he was Batman... >.>;;; Yeah, I guess it was less of a nightmare and more of a WTFH?!?!?!



The second night I don't remember, I just remember waking up four or five times during the night in tears and going to the bathroom and going to get something to drink. I think they were mostly little shorts.

Last night was reliving the Mackinac Trip (which I haven't written about yet, maybe next time I will though)... it was horrible as it was, but the dream added the factor that I didn't have a proper dress for the trip (required for dinner at the Grand Hotel) and I found a dress shop that sold dresses that was [just barely] in my price range. So I was trying on dresses and everything, but my group left me, and I didn't have a watch or a cell (what do I look like, a billionaire?!) So I got done trying on my dresses and realized it was suddenly REALLY dark out... so I went and I purchased my dress and ran outside, realizing that my group had disappeared and somehow it was like... midnight outside!! So I started heading in the direction of the hotel (loooooooong walk, mostly uphill from downtown). Somehow though, I got really turned around and confused, and ended up in the woods away from the hotel and I was lost and confused and ready to break down. Worst of all, I was carrying my carry-on from the bus (a messenger bag with two notebooks, my MP3 player, a Mountain Dew, some pens and pencils and a few other random things), plus this dress that wasn't very light (though pretty enough to inspire me to draw it out when I woke up that morning).

It was starting to get chilly out and I had nothing on but a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops, and I was sort of getting miserable and tired, so I sat down on a downed tree, thinking to take a break and then head back the way I came. Until I looked that way and realized that the path was gone and something was coming towards me. It was a big, black monster that was just disgusting looking. I ran, thinking to escape, but I was slowed down by everything I was carrying and the fact that I was tired and sore (for those of you who don't know I have hip and leg problems.) So as I ran, I dropped the dress and then dropped my bag and kept running. I finally collasped in front of a building, but everything was silent behind me, so I sort of just rested there for a moment while trying to get my bearings... I climbed up the hill to the building and realized that it was an old, ruined fort with a cliff behind it. The cliff had sort of a stair-like walk way leading to the top, which I climbed, hoping I would be able to see the rest of the Island from the top... but when I got to the top there was like a sea of dead bodies, including everyone that was one the trip with me, some family and other unrecognizable people... and the monster was up there eating someone that was alive that  I didn't recognize and it turned and looked at me. I freaked out of course and it opened it's mouth to say something, and I woke up before it could get the words out... I was sweating and in a mini-panic attack, and I still can't get the pictures of all the dead bodies on the cliff out of my mind...

 

Tonight, I went to bed REALLY early because of the lack of decent sleep and the fact I was worked like a horse today trying to clean the house and take care of my sick mom while job hunting and dealing with some on-going friend-issues. Like, think shortly after 8 pm early after waking up 7 this morning and not being able to get back to sleep... and I had another fucking scary dream.

I had just had a baby, and it was only like two months old, and I was trying to take care of it, and my mom was trying to support me, my step dad who had just got laid off of work, and of course my baby, and the baby suddenly got sick and was coughing REALLY badly, but we couldn't afford to take it to the hospital and  they wouldn't accept us anyways because we had so many bills overdue because of medical issues and of course all my maternity stuff that we couldn't afford to pay. So we were doing what we could to make the baby comfortable and tried to get rid of the cough, when it coughed up this little blood red jewel thing, and died shortly after. I, of course, was absolutely miserable; my baby had just died after coughing up this red thing.

They were trying to put me in jail for 'negligence' and we were trying to sue the hospital for not taking the baby even though we had so many bills overdue and everything (we were really just trying to get our old bills dismissed really, because we asked for the amount equal to that with the reason that it was their stubbornness over those bills that led to my child's death in the first place.) So we had two on going cases, and I was still tying to mourn and at the same time, I was secretly trying to figure out what the fuck the jewel was. I started living out in a tent in a friend's yard, and I would sit outside numbly staring at the fire and the jewel. The last part of the dream had to deal with the fact that they dismissed the negligence case and we won the lawsuit against the hospital, but I was playing with the jewel one day, talking to it (I was becoming increasingly insane in my depression over all of this) and this spirit-thing popped out... it was a cute little dragon-looking spirit, but I didn't get to talk to it because the black monster from my other dream came barging in trying to kill it and me...

I woke up at that point, and my head was just hurting like hell... took two excedrin, went to the bathroom, tried laying back down but every time I closed my eyes I saw the monster just staring at me... so I got up and got online for a little bit while drinking Diet Coke (yuck) and trying to tired myself out and get rid of the rest of my headache... and now I'm writing this... I have so many things going through my head right now.

What is  this monster that comes into my dreams and why is it re occurring?

How did my friend die and why was I given the little girl?

Who was the father of my baby? What was it's name? Was it a boy or a girl (never found out in the dream)?

Why was I living in a tent outside a friend's house after the death of my baby? Was I living there before I got pregnant?

WHY THE HELL WAS BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN IN MY FUCKING DREAM?!?!?!?!?

>.>;; yeah... so that's why I'm not sleeping right now...

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WATCHED TEH FIRST EPISODE OF TEH FAIRY TAIL ANIME OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, as you can tell I'm very excited here. I was sort of iffy on it, but it's only the first episode so I'm not making solid judgement on it yet.

Soooooooooooo: My thoughts thus far:

*WARNING POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD*
For a first episode I was impressed. I saw a lot of complaints on various pages about it looking 'a lot like Groove Adventures Rave'... UH DUH!!! IT'S DONE BY THE SAME ARTIST, ETC SO IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO LOOK A LOT ALIKE WHEN ANIME-FIED!!!!

Natsu's hair: I think it looks a little to long versus the manga.

Natsu's voice: umm... just a smidge DEEPER and more masculine than what I had been hearing in my head, but no complaints about that really... I think it suits him over all!!

Happy's voice: cute, but annoying. I'll get used to it over time. -luffles teh Happy-

Elie  ^_^;;; sorry, LUCY'S voice: Perfect... almost exactly what I was imagining in my head actually!!!

Magic: OMG I LOVE SOME OF THE EFFECTS THEY HAVE GOING ON WHEN MAGIC IS CASTED!!!! ^w^ even though they don't have them in the manga, for the anime it makes sense to me because at least you have something SIGNIFYING the magic being used... plus I've always thought of magic as something that needs symbols or incantations or other oddities like that. I do quite like it actually...

Opening and Ending themes: -waiting for the downloads to appear online impatiently- I think they're PERFECT for the show actually... and they're just cute... and the ending movie is just adorable!!!

I guess the rest I'll find out after I see other episodes as they come out. I'm really looking forward to seeing thing.

So OMG on Monday I started reading Bleach. and OMGOMGOMG <3 <3 <3 absolutely LOVE IT.

I'm currently on Chapter 172. and... I'm just going to write random thoughts about characters thus far... just because I'm bored and I need a break from reading.

Ichigo: Ahhh... the main protagonist of the manga... ICHI~~~~~~~~ <3 tehe ^_^; I like Ichigo, definately. He's got a good personality as the main character, and I think he's going to make a mind-blowing fighter as he gets stronger and learns to control his inner Hollow. He's probably my third favorite character though... next to...

Renji: So yeah... I'll admit I tend to fall in love with the main red-head of every manga I read... I love red heads... and I even though I think Renji's an idiot at times... I think he's hot personally and he's fun. I see a lot of similarities in between him and Ichigo, but to me that's a good thing. And he's SO TOTALLY crushing on Rukia!!!!!

Rukia: tehe <3 I like her, she's funny and FREAKING ADORABLE. Not to mention the way she and Ichigo occasionally clash is just hilarious.

Byakuya: or Bakakuya as I accidentally called him one time. Um... well first of all... -EPIC FANGIRL SQUEE- so far he's a favorite bisshie in the series' that I've read thus far the past few weeks... and I've been attempting to read quite a few series' lately, to cure boredom... but he's a bit of an ass thus far but... I heard that there's a little bit of marshmallow fluff somewhere deep down in his soul so... >w< can't wait to see it!!!

Orihime: ... annoyance...

Other characters: Umm... yeah... thus far the only notable character that I have any opinion on is Ichimaru... at that opinion is: -KICKS RANDOM KITTENS- OMFG I WANNA JUST SMASH HIS FUCKING FACE IN BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKING BOTHERS THE FUCK OUTTA ME!!!!@

Yup... you can tell I hate him...

Overall I'm enjoying the series so far but... we'll see what the future holds!!! I plan to start watching the anime soon too!!

^WWWWWWWWWWWW^

SO I think I have my inspiration back to write!!!

YIPPEE!!!!

So, Chii-sama demands milk, turkey and free yaoi for the rest of the week... or at least he's giving me the look that demands such things.

Problem is... we only have a half gallon of milk, the lunch meat turkey just got thrown in the garbage, and... I can't write T-T apparently my brain exploded again, so my fanfic writing has gone down the drain for another week until I find something inspiring... like a song or a pose or something like that...

Because I have a list of... 10 Rave fanfics and 1 Fairy Tail fanfic that I haven't worked on that I need to work on... Partners is on an indefinite hiatus... mostly because I just don't have the inspiration to write depressing stuff like some of the stuff that's going to happen in there... nor am I good at making-up-after-a-fight scenes... -sighs- It sucks... I was looking forward to my FT fic too...


-sighs- anyways... just me sitting here whining... I'll have more of a concrete post later on this even ranting about other stuff.

Good morning!

I'm up at 7:00 this morning in order to prepare for a job interview at the college. It's not a bad thing, but I'm nervous as hell... these are the two reasons why:

1) I've had like a total of... I dunno one job interview in my entire life...

2) I had to send in a piece of writing to critique with the girl that's interviewing me... I repeat: CRITIQUE WRITING!!!! And to add to the pressure, it's my favorite and most beloved poem that I've written in years. I mean while it's a good thing because I'm finally getting it critiqued and everything... still... I'm going to get easily offended -huggles her poem-

So you know, this job is as a Writing Tutor at Bay de Noc Community college, the community college where I live... I'm only doing four classes two days per week this fall... and then I have to figure out Winter classes half way through the semester. ^_^; My main worries are Sign Language... it's probably my second easiest class (because what the hell is going to be easier for me than Public Speaking?!) It's pretty much just an extra class I'm taking because a friend of mine took in all last year and was teaching me a lot. I really enjoyed it so yeah... It's better than taking Spanish or French ever again...

So yeah... I'm headed off to my interview now!! I'll probably be back in a couple hours....

I figured I better put up a key for the little tags I use before I actually start my lists

Fics & Stories

(RM) = Rave Master
(FF#) = Final Fantasy (whatever number comes after FF)
(INU) = Inuyasha... probably not going to be a lot of these sitting around though...
(CC) = Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII (because I'm now considering these separate from the FF fics)

Pairings & Such

(L/H) = Lucia/Haru (my most common pairing in my RM writings

Universes/etc.

(AU) = Alternate Universe (a universe at least partially different from the original, probably keeping the names of towns and stuff)
(PA) = Partners Universe (Partners and its sequels/offshoots)
(DH) = Demon's Heart Universe (Demon's Heart and the little offshoots I'm planning)
(SL) = Slave (my L/H fic that originated in Rave_Kink and is now on FF.net)
 

CURRENTS:
(Things that I'm working on at this current moment, and things that are my favorites at the moment.)

Fanfic(s) :: Partners - (RM) (L/H) (M) (AU). Currently on Chapter 8.
      A Demon's Heart - (RM) (L/H) (Fem!Haru) (M) (AU). This one was inspired by a dream <3 I absolutely love this world because while it's twisted it's also very ... I dunno... can't quite say lovely....

Novel :: Paranoia - Yeah.... this one is in development. I'm taking a new approach with this one by developing the characters first before I even start writing the story. At least the main characters... and I'm working on some places as well...

Poem :: None

Song :: None

Website: Gurlz, Gamerz & Graphix - This is sort of a fanforum, I guess. It takes three of the greatest things in the world and puts them all on one huge forum... and when I say huge I mean it... Over 50 some boards and counting (because I keep forgetting things).

Reading :: Nothin

Favorite Song(s) :: Let it Go by Cavo // New Divide by Linkin Park // People Are Crazy by Billy Currington // Paranoid by Alana Grace // 21 Guns by Green Day

Yeah... I'm going to start journaling about all the manga I read now... at least the updated chapters of them <3

So we'll start with Fairy Tail...

Because I'm secretly going to strangle Angel in her sleep...

SHE'S MANIPULATING MY LOKI-KUN, THAT STUPID BITCH!!!!!

T-T Poor Loki-kun <3

Though  I do like the Gemini Stellar Mage Spirits <3 <3 <3 <3 shooooooooooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute~~~~~~

Yeah... that's it for now... my lovely useless ranting...

I know a lot of songs by heart... one that's at the top of my head (mostly because I haven't heard it in years and all the sudden a girl started playing it the other day on the piano and I remembered all the lyrics perfectly) is Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden... a more recent song that I have memorized is Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron Wine. I also know lyrics to about 3/4 of Elton John's songs, as well as MANY Phil Collin's songs!! ^_^

This is pretty much just my first 'test post'. I haven't been on LJ in... about four or five years, if I remember correctly. So I'm back here, plotting my ultimate takeover of the world using poetry and hot yaoi fanfiction... Every week I'll probably have a list of my 'Currents' updated or something like that... And I'll post my poetry and things like that.

Right now I'm currently working on my personal webpage, as well as a couple of RPGs and a couple fanfics...

So other than that....


-Luffles and Stuff-
|~*Daleeria*~|